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We sat in silence as my words hung in the air.
You looked at me, stunned at what I had said.
Almost as if I had asked the impossible when I asked where' your heart was..
In that moment, in your silence,
I had all the answer I ever needed.
All my hopes and dreams came crashing down as I watched your face twist in anguish as you struggled to find the words-
any words- that could speak your heart.
I had fought for your attention, lingering on bread crumbs that I had hoped would satisfy my hunger for your affection..
To discover I needed more.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t settle for less than I deserved…So,
I did the only thing I knew to do; I confronted you and gave you the dagger that your silence plunged into my heart.
It was in that moment that I realized I was chasing smoke and mirrors..and a dream that wouldn’t come true.
It hurt, I won’t lie.
I had clung to the hope that you would step up and tell me how you felt..
But deep down, I knew how this scene was destined to play out.
Tears rolling down my face, I looked at you painfully and uttered the word that I had never hoped I would have to say to you.
“Goodbye.”
And still, you couldn’t and didn’t say a solitary word.
Turning and walking away, I wiped away the tears streaming down my face and clenched my fists with resolve.
I was letting you go because I knew I needed more.
I deserved more, and with each step, my courage grew.
Leaving would open up a gap in my life that i knew would be hard,
But I didn’t have a choice.
If you couldn’t love me the way I wanted, then I would find someone who would…
But no matter where'-my life might lead me,
I still needed to get back to myself,
I had lost myself in you and the love I thought we had..
So, with each step away,
I started walking back to myself- my heart, my courage, my self worth.
I had identified my sense of self through us and now, as I wiped away the tears,
I knew it was time to come home and find the boy again that I had lost along the way.
He’d been waiting for me to remember her all along,
And I knew that one day in the future, I would look into the mirror and remember her.
“Oh, there you are.. I’ve been looking for you.”
Smiling, I would nod and my heart would finally come alive again.
“Welcome home. I’ve missed you.”
I was finally going back to where'' I had belonged all along.
I guess I should thank you for your silence.
You did more than wake me up..
You set me free.| Princess K
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| Post Date: 15-03-24 (17:39) | Total: 25 Views | |
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